War
by Meika13
Summary: RLNT What was the meaning of war? What was its purpose? Was this war to be the demise of all things good and evil? What of the sacrafices needed to be made? Remus had always done what he thought the right thing. Only...was this the result that he wanted?


**Notes from the Bumblin' Babblin' Authoress:** Hello all! I am really sorry that I disappeared for so long. To put a long story short, I've moved! So, hopefully, I'll be able to update more frequently now.

First of all, I want to thank my lovely editor SyaoranBears. She's lovely. She had read through my poor excuse for grammar and corrected everything. COOKIES TO YOU!

Second, this is that Lupin/Tonks fiction I have been talking about for ages. I had really wanted to keep the characters in character, and I hope I did a good enough job. I know that there isn't very much information given on both these characters, and for some areas, I did have to fill in with what I had thought could happen. I still hope that I stay _true_ to character enough. This is just an alternate ending. Enjoy!

_War_

Nymphadora Tonks tightened her hold on her cloak against the windy evening. The cloak swished around her feet as she made her way toward Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. She wished wholeheartedly that Arthur Weasley would remove the Apparition Ward since it was no longer in use. She would much rather Apparate than walk in this freezing, winter chill.

The young lady soon found herself standing on a well-kept lawn of Number Eleven and Number Thirteen. She closed her eyes and thought of the place in which her cousin used to reside.

_Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, London_. A door pushed its way through the gap between Number Eleven and Number Thirteen. The resident of the homes didn't seem to feel the difference as Number Twelve materialized.

A dark, grimy door appeared; upon its surface was many locks. Tonks held out her wand under her cloak and tapped the locks. The door opened with a creak, and she stepped inside quickly, closing the door behind her, and relocked it. Tonks continued her way down the corridor but tripped on the umbrella stand, as she had done many times before.

"_Scandalous blood traitor!_ _Meddling half-breed! Filth of my own blood_," the moth eaten curtains that covered Mrs. Black's portrait was flying and the woman screeched. "_Be gone_!"

"Oh, give it a rest," Tonks said as she shook her cloak and pulled curtains back over the portrait. Footsteps came down the stairs; Tonks pulled her wand out of her cloak and held it in front of her.

Remus Lupin trotted down, "Wand down, Nymphadora."

"Oh, it's you," Tonks shoved her wand into the back pocket of her jeans (she could almost hear Moody, "Better wizards than you have lost theirs buttocks, you know!"). "I didn't expect anyone to be here since the Order vacated."

Lupin's eyes roamed over Tonks, her once bubble-gum pink hair was now a muddy, murky brown. She looked thinner than she had been the last time he saw her. There were shadows under her eyes. "You look terrible." As soon as he said it, he realized he should not have.

"Thank you," Tonks sent one glowering look toward him and started along the corridor as quietly as possible.

Lupin moved alongside her, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." He had now realized that not only had her usual colorful appearance changed; the bubbly personality that he loved so much had gone as well.

Tonks ignored him and continued toward the second floor landing.

Lupin sighed, "I hope you don't mind my being here. I need a place to stay for the meanwhile." He tried to sound as conversable as possible.

"I don't own the house. It is Harry's, but I can tell you this: make sure you do not let Mundungus run away with anymore of Sirius' possessions," she said as she sent another reproachful look at him. "The consequences would not be very pleasurable."

An awkward silence fell. Remus Lupin looked away and back toward Tonks.

"Look, I didn't mean to hurt you the other night," Lupin reached out for her forearm when she began to move away. "What with Dumbledore and Snape, it was a bit overwhelming."

Tonks wringed her arm away from his grasps and sent him another defiant stare. "I'm sure you meant it," she said, "I'm sure you were aware of what you were saying."

* * *

_Tonks stared into space. Dumbledore was dead. The greatest wizard Nymphadora Tonks had ever met was dead. _

"_Nymphadora," Mrs. Weasley had whispered as she approached, "I'm so very sorry, dear." _

_The moon was now in its waning stage. The clouds were gone; the stars filled the sky with tiny twinkles._

_Tonks shook her head. "Me too."_

"_Let's go, you need to be away from here," Mrs. Weasley hooked her arm through Tonks' and pulled her away. The sky was now perfect for stargazing. Tonks remembered there was one time in her sixth year, that she was caught by Dumbledore in the Astronomy Tower, rushing her work._

"_Molly, do you think Dumbledore would come back… as a ghost?" Tonks asked Mrs. Weasley. _

_Mrs. Weasley shook her head. She knew Tonks as well as her own children. Molly understood that Tonks had always looked up at Dumbledore with admiration; there wasn't a single soul who didn't. "No dear, Dumbledore was a great wizard. He understood the nature of life, he is not afraid of death," said Mrs. Weasley._

"_Right," Tonks said. The hope that had been glowing inside her was slowly fading away with every step she took. Dumbledore was not coming back. She felt the same dark pit that overwhelmed her as it had when Sirius died. She wasn't expecting to lose every person she thought of importance in just merely two years…one right after the other. She knew the war would bring deaths, but she continuously hoped that it wouldn't be the people she knew. _

_The corridor of Hogwarts seemed to disappear from under her feet. Her mind was no longer on the walk but on the happy memories she had shared with Dumbledore. The delights for the wizard she felt when Dumbledore had patted her eleven year old head a good job. The respect she felt when he had single-handedly warded the dementors away. The wonderful time they had together when he had personally tutored her in Stealth for her Auror Examination. The fleeting image of Dumbledore with his half-moon spectacle and twinkling eyes sent tears to her eyes. Tonks refused to let go of her tears. Dumbledore wouldn't have wanted tears; Nymphadora Tonks knew that well. The one thing that Dumbledore would have wanted more than anything in the world to go around was love. _

"_Ahh, Remus!" Mrs. Weasley called and beckoned him toward them. He wasn't looking too well himself. His hair suddenly seemed grayer and his robes shabbier than before. Tonks and Lupin's encounter at the Hospital Wing over Bill Weasley's scared body still hung in the air. _

"_Molly, Tonks," Lupin nodded to both of them awkwardly. _

"_Remus, why don't you take Nymphadora back to the Headquarters? I would be there shortly after I sorted the things out with the children," with that said, Mrs. Weasley hurried off back toward the castle. Tonks eyes followed Mrs. Weasley as she disappeared behind the gates. The castle no longer seemed as magnificent as Tonks had first seen it. Without Dumbledore, the castle seemed to have lost its usual glow. _

_There was an uncomfortable silence as Lupin walked with Tonks passed the many trees and to the grounds where they could Apparate. _

"_Nymphadora," said Lupin when he offered a hand to her for Side-Along Apparition. He heard her dry, controlled sobs. He didn't trust her at the moment to Apparate by herself due to her emotional upheaval. It caused serious pain to splinch. With a tiny pop, they both Apparated into a house just outside Godric's Hollow; it was their new Headquarters since they vacated Grimmauld Place. _

"_Are you alright?" Lupin asked her. _

_There was an unusual silence, and then came Tonks' voice. Tonks stared right into his eyes. Wasn't he feeling what she was, the loss of a great wizard? Didn't he realize that what she needed now more than anything was his affection? But yet, he didn't make eye contact or so much as utter more than three words to her at a time. "Why are you doing this?" _

"_Pardon?"_

_Tonks could no longer hold onto the tears, "Why are you doing this to me?"_

"_Nymphadora, you know we can't," Lupin sighed and sat onto the couch, "I'm far too-"_

"_Too old, too poor, too dangerous," Tonks continued his sentence for him. _

"_This is hardly the time," Lupin said._

"_I think this is the **perfect** time," argued Tonks. Her eyes bored into his for some kind of answer, some kind of emotion, something…anything. _

"_Nymphadora, you don't understand. I'm a werewolf," said Lupin and he let out a hoarse sigh._

"_I know that, and I really don't care," Tonks sat down on the couch next to him._

"_I do, I would never forgive myself if anything was to happen to you."_

_Tonks knew what this was; he was being noble. He had the need to protect her and she didn't like it. She was an Auror. She could take care of herself. "I love you."_

"_Merlin," Lupin buried his face in his hands, "Don't say that."_

"_I love you. Why can't you understand that I'm no longer a child? I can protect myself. Why are you afraid?" She reached out to touch his hair, but he slapped her hand away._

"_I'm not afraid."_

"_Then why won't you let yourself love me back? You're being a coward. That's what you're being. You're pushing me away because you think you're being noble –brave. It is nothing more than the act of cowardice."_

_Lupin stood up stiffly, "Why can't you just understand that I'm not interested?"_

"_Because you never said it," Tonks spoke softly, stood up, and tried to touch him again but was slapped away._

"_I'm not interested," Lupin couldn't dare look at her in the face. This was for the sake of both of them, he told himself. He was not being noble. He was being realistically true. He was a werewolf. _

_Tonks shook her head, tears brimming at her eyes and she stuttered, "It's not-not enough, Remus. Lo-look at me in the eyes, and t-tell me you don't love me."_

_There was silence as Lupin fought for words. He couldn't tell her. He simply couldn't. Deep down, he knew she was right. He was afraid. Afraid of what the wolf would do. He knew that she deserved better, someone pure, someone whole. Then Arthur's voice was brought back to him, 'After all, Remus, not all young and whole men remain so.' _

_Tonks looked into his face and searched it. She wanted him to know how she felt. She took the silence as an answer. She leaned upward and kissed him, but in a mere second she was on the ground. Lupin had pushed her away. Her eyes widened. "What…?"_

"_I'll tell you then," Lupin sneered at her. "I don't love you. I'm not interested in you. I don't even like you."_

_Tonks gasped in denial, "No…"_

"_Yes," he let out a sour laugh, "You are nothing more than dirt under my fingernails." _

_Tears streamed down Tonks face and her lips trembled and then she whispered, "I hate you," and with another pop she dematerialized. _

_Lupin sat on the couch again with his head hung low. It was the right thing to do. Someone like him was too stained to lay hands on something so pure. He had to keep her safe and if this was what it meant, then so be it._

* * *

"Nymphadora," Remus pleaded as he reached out for her again, "Please, don't do this."

"I am doing exactly what I was told, Lupin," Tonks said as she opened the door to Sirius's old room.

The use of his surname was startling. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think he would come across a situation like this. They had now entered a room. The room was cold and dark. Dust had collected itself upon the old dresser and mirrors. The atmosphere of the room was just as when he had first entered it after Sirius had first offered it to Dumbledore for Headquarters. He remembered Sirius and he had spent many hours in this room together, trying to make it inhabitable.

Tonks walked toward one of Sirius's old dressers and opened a compartment from which she pulled out an old photo album. She ran her hand over the cover and blew lightly on it. The dust fell off the cover and flew around the room.

"Is that Sirius' old school album?" Lupin asked as he bended over to get a better look. The album itself was in shades of gold and maroon. It had the Gryffindor Coat of Arms on the top left hand corner. "I haven't seen this in ages, ever since Sirius stole it from James." As soon as he had said the name 'Sirius' he wished he hadn't. He looked up at Tonks, "Sorry."

"It's okay," she said and shook her head. She seemed to have calmed down, and her bitterness was almost completely gone. "We all miss him." Tonks opened the album and traced her finger along the old photographs. She flipped the page and stared at one particular picture. It was of James and Sirius. It was on James' seventeenth birthday. Sirius had decided to throw a party for James. They both waved and smiled up at Tonks.

Tonks slammed the book shut. Dumbledore had always said that it did not do well to dwell on the past.

She placed the book back into its original place. There was stillness in the air.

"I just thought that you ought to know," she said, "I've decided to take McGonagall's offer."

"What offer?" Lupin asked.

"I'm going to Romania to help Charlie," she replied, staring right into his eyes, "I'm leaving tomorrow."

Charlie no longer worked with dragons; he was now working on a significant operation that the Order depended upon. This particular task was no doubt perilous; it included working in some of the dodgiest places, trying to find Death Eaters in hiding.

Lupin stared at the opposite wall; he couldn't believe it. Dumbledore had first offer the job to Lupin, because Dumbledore had thought Lupin to be capable incase anything had gone nasty. Lupin had politely declined the job, because he had wanted to continue his pursuit in finding out secrets Voldemort had passed onto Fenrir Greyback. Lupin understood why Charlie was chosen, he was skilled, but Tonks?

"Do you know what is involved in going to Romania?"

"Yes," she replied, "yes, I do."

"Nymphadora, it is far too dangerous." Lupin began, "You are not thinking! Do you know the risk involved? You could be injured, wounded! It can even cost you your life!"

Tonks remained unmoving. She was settled upon her decision. Her brows furrowed, "What about all those lives that have already been taken? Their only intention had been to keep _us_ safe," she said. "It's war, Lupin; it's dangerous everywhere. You might not think it upon your shoulder to make a difference out in the front, but I do. Do you not remember what Dumbledore said?" She paused. "'It is important to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting --'"

"'—for only then can evil be kept at bay,'" Lupin finished.

"Yes," she whispered, her expression solemn, "I could choose to stay at home and _try_ to keep safe—for nowhere is safe, now. I could choose not to fight and let others do the job for me, but I refuse to do that. I refuse to sit and watch the days go by, looking for obituary of familiar faces in the _Daily Prophet_. There is something that everyone can do to help in the front. This is not just _my_ fight Lupin, this is _our_—everybody's—fight."

There was a pause. Lupin looked over Tonks with a shadow of astonishment in his eyes. "You've grown, Nymphadora," he remarked.

Tonks smiled sadly, "There's not much time to be a child at a moment like this."

"Yes," Lupin agreed, but could say no more. Was this war to be the ultimate demise of everything good? "I suppose there is no changing your decision?"

Tonks sadly shook her head, "I'm afraid not."

"Good luck, Nymphadora," Lupin offered his hand. "Be safe."

Tonks smiled and took hold of his hand in hers; it felt strangely, even amongst all of the disasters, normal. "Thank you."

They shook hands, and Tonks, looking sadly at the drawer where the old photo album was again, walked out of the room, and began to exit the building.

Lupin looked at Tonks as she walked out of Grimmauld Place and onto the street. The little light that the street light allowed touched her lanky figure as she half-walked, half-jogged to the Apparition zone; there was such a difference in her. Tonks was no longer an innocent, carefree spirit; she now carried the burden of war upon her shoulder as was everyone else. No one's life would ever be the same again after this war. Thousands and thousands of lives would have been lost and changed in some way. Perhaps, the people left could recover to a parallel close to what it was before, but it would never be truly the same.

The world around them was rapidly changing into something much, much bigger and much, much darker than what Lupin had thought it would ever become. He understood that was what wars did; they changed lives of the people involved, but for what? Was this war all for the better or for the worse? What were their destinies in this part of the era, where one could be murdered walking on the streets of Diagon Alley?

He looked into the starry sky in reflection. He supposed that there was no answer to all his questions. He supposed that, for now, he would have to accept what the present had brought, and that he would have to wait for the future to slowly unfold itself.


End file.
